Not Once Was I…

Let me linger a moment, there in the pain of you; your lips trembled with a deep torture; your eyes fighting but losing the battle of loosing tears; your heart, I could literally see it dripping out of you, coming up your throat, sputtering & choking; the skin of you was heaving, barely remaining upon your bones; your mind had become a loud roaring hum of near obliteration; and not once was I healed by your pain. Not once was I skillfully, miraculously cured of my own agonies or my own sadnesses. Never have your tragedies made me triumphant.

Relief

After not playing guitar for two weeks, I believe that is the longest I’ve gone since I started learning, I was pleased & relieved to come home, pick it up & have only forgotten the newest part of a song I was learning. Everything else was still there in the memory of my fingers. Whew. I was worried about that. 

How Home Hits…

Well, that was a early jump on summer. Edmonton had been hotter than Florida in Thursday night, but upon returning was not anymore, was about 10C so felt quite cold & rain here is not like rain in Florida, it is cold & hits like little ice pellets. Welcome home, Alberta was saying with a snicker, just in case we thought we would come home to. Early the same temperatures it decided to remind us to put on some clothes & turn on the heat. 

All in all, our first time taking our littlest in a plane & a vacation to somewhere not Canadian, was awesome. We didn’t get in everything we wanted to, our energy was mostly consumed by parks & pool but it was super fun & a great first adventure for foreign travel with young children. 

What I still feel about the Disney parks is: if you can’t afford it, not to worry. Your kids & you as a parent are not missing something life changing. I’m going to take a rare moment to brag & say, I have kids that don’t seem to melt down at a park in the heat, but we were unusual. I’d been planning my stadegy for weeks & had gone with that as a primary focus, have fun, but if your kids start melting, emotionally or physically, it’s time to leave. The parks are fun, but not life changing. I’ve easily enjoyed the trips we’ve taken to the mountains & ocean & frankly, Winnipeg on grueling road trips just as much. The rides and expressions & excitement they generate, of course that’s awesome fun. But such simple things like your kids just playing in sand & waves is awesome too. Taking them to see wildlife, & camping, & board games & long talks, these are all incredibly amazing & fun. Take them tubing on a river in real life instead of a theme park, & sing silly songs & listen to them prattle on about nothing. Watch old movies with them & take the time to get to know them. If Disney never happens it is no big loss. It is easily replaced by other fun adventures. 

Foreignity

watching this light—it is mine, this quality of ownership invades me & spirals out, encompassing 

I’ve no interest in this is your & this is mine & im foreign & you are native & this was theirs & then I stole it & then they lost & then we won, & ive no interest in stars or stripes or leaves or colours or ownership beyond a moment, the one now, where the trees have this particular sway, in this particular light, & this moment here, in this place, this is mine, this is mine, forever, this. is. mine. 

Hockey & Humidity

So, beer & hockey & humidity—that’s a fun evening outside…after what I’d say is the most skippable park ever. I should not have to pay to ‘drink around the world’ & Soaring is awesome but there must be another way to enjoy that. Epcot is kind of pointless. But hey, I got to advertise via Disney button that I’m from Canada & Canada is 150 yrs this year. 

So that’s Day 4 of 5, Day 3 was at the Magic Kingdom for round two. Rides worth hitting—Snow White, & Splash Mountain. Honorable mention, Thunder Mountain, & worst ever, Stitch & the pizza belch. What was that ride? No idea. It wasn’t even a ride. Lamest ever. Little Mermaid, bleh. So not worth it either. Skipped so many rides geared towards little little kids. 

So far, not having done Animal Kingdom yet, best rides are: Soaring;  Tower of Terror; Splash Mountain; Star Tours; Rockin’ Roller Coaster; Snow White; hmm. For little kids, Peter Pan was great too. Pirates, over-rated. River Boat was a nice little break. 

But looking forward to a day of rest & then, on to Animal Kingdom, which may be the one I’ve been looking forward to most. 

So Much Sun & So Much Rain

This constant equalizing
how it fades from one to the other
just to find itself in the other
the light pushing up the clouds
just to empty, just to shine
just to flood
like heaven & life & love
& the strange things of lore
rising storm to sky
to heart
like warmth whispers
to heat to sweat to
mist…& i’m not certain if
the cloud is beckoning or frightening
i’m not certain
but i know this heat
& i know the feel of wrinkled skin from just the rain, unsubmerged but entirely saturated
just like the colours that drench the inner walls of my soul, screaming,
light & dark
whirling…