Cesspool Poetry

…having been awake, having said a prayer, now what am I to do?

Poetry has its way of pouring from the cesspool of drained sores…

The quiet smoke in the dawn

The rustle of the birds in the tree

The silence of the sky

Turbulent as the sea

So you gape open, as do I

This is what it is to be a part,

Oozing as it is, of humanity

Autumn’s Onset


Tho light spreads forth 
i feel the falling sun—
the smoke choking the morning glow
the subtle way
nothing feels quite right
but surely, nothing is wrong

i keep the quiet in my throat
as i feel autumn’s onset, heavy
with its strangling cold
but, oh, so lovely,
oh, so strange
oh, so silent this nearly
imperceptible shift

…and the corpse of summer
falls, against autumn’s chest
this is the slow slide to all
that is dead, all that is cold

We’ve Woven


the way we’ve woven
moonlight into madness just to taste
the terror & the dream

your little laugh-line lingers
there, upon your cheek, a kiss
of who you are underneath
the worry, beyond the reaches of
regret
how heavy life is, i know, i know
its baskets of burdens piled high
like unopened gifts begging
to be unwrapped & examined, joyously?

so often it must be, that you’ll sit,
amidst the gifts sobbing, leaving them unopened
their heaviness being postponed
but still, i can feel it, that weight,
as can you.

i weave with this moonlight
something light, a certain, madness, a terrifying madness, of
lightness, & some unknown, yet dear, dream

Lost In Translation

here i am, lost in
the murmuring translations upon these prairies—
the hard english glazed in sharp french, a drizzled bitter of
distain & broken tongues & backs
there, fresh off history’s bloom
raw with rape-red & bruise-blue
a meandering river of tears
that tinkle with light that scorches unending

there, the tangy berries of despair unleash themselves against hearts
that wander the rolling—what was it you’ve been looking for?

all the shadows crawl free across the scarred landscape, downs & meadows, rigor mortis trees with sharp nails stretching high against my prairie sky, drawing the blood from the sunrise, in long, flowing ribbons

…and then the storm, heavy & booming, drumroll upon drumroll, that can never wash
everything clean

i sit there, smoke of muskets & the sharp sound of both the arrow & the plunging thud of axes, digging deep, swift to the grey
drawing forth vast oceans of blood & misery & turmoil, i feel the women, pushing forth spawn after spawn on the land—
these aching children full of rage

there, the ground, hungry again after the digestion of so much gluttonous misery, it’s howling,
tongue lolling out, dry but salivating
you, your perfect face, shining in the rise of the sun, small lines, fresh sun-scorch, a small streak of dirt where all tragedy lies, just under the temple, deep inside the brain, heart pounding—there,
in the hardened earth, you feel deep below, the mantle crack, the core, swell to tide, all the fires burning, all of history repeating
there, i, small & silent, so trembling in imperfections i glow white & crimson, i sit so quiet, watching the quaking prairie storm

the low growl inside me rises, gutteral, small flecks of timid
falling way to force until it is strong, sure, loudening against time’s awkward push upon me
i’ve a small scar, one deep but small on the outside, tingling with a dulled memory of this excrutiating pain, & now its aching, both to be left & to be touched, these bruises & their oxymoronic pleadings
the silver line tingles in the last rays before the clouds & there it is, glowering in sad silence

the starlings, rise & fall, sacred tribal dances upon the sky—warm, mixing with the cool

i hear the grass shiver, scratching upon the bare of my leg as if a child, begging, UP!

but all must face the wind & become either tame, or so very very wild

New Age Retrograde 

Promoting my daughter’s little beginner business: New Age Retrograde—Jewelry featuring unique vintage & antique book illustrations. 

Many of these are sold already but you can track down her wares at New Age Retrograde on both IG & FB. 

Go check out her stuff. If you like something claim it quick. 

Custom orders taken & she will hunt for the images you’re looking for. For added “charm” each piece also has a well thought out embellishment hand made in house to compliment each image. 

Every image is hand cut from a vintage or antique book.

Inspiration? 

What it once was—the black root worming, a snug grub

Skinned from the inner lump of my heart, coal black & whining with sorrow & regret, a childhood agony

I dropped free~freedom came rushing at me

Soul & mind & blood, slick & smooth & flowing river-fast & aching cold, refreshing

How long I wallowed, in the warmth of my own mud, it’s stench restful in its uneasiness 

Then, the freed sparrow of my throat, a small warble, rising in the wind, clean in the sunrise—how sweet, how sweet

Despite all the woes, to rise, finally free. 

BBC: This Means You 

“Happy are YOU when people reproach YOU and persecute YOU and lyingly say every sort of wicked thing against YOU for my sake” Matthew 5:11

That was a disgusting article published chocked full of full on untruths. Man that burns me. But, I suppose it’s a fulfillment of biblical prophecy. So I am trying hard to be happy about it, how against the human spirit that is. It would literally take God’s holy spirit for me to feel happy at this misinformation & outright lies. Guess I’ll be praying about that. 

I was disfellowshipped for a time, so I have every right to voice my opinion on the Biblical practice of ‘shunning.’ No one can tell me it isn’t for the good of both the person removed & the congregation. What a load of rubbish. How is that even being sold as news at all. Disgusting. 

Don’t Give Up!

Another Convention has come & gone. That’s always a tough thing. These conventions are never enough it feels. 

Here in Canada, we had over 101 000 tied in together for some of the talks. Here in Edmonton, we had over 14 000 in attendance & I must say, hearing the final phrase of Song 20 sung by 14 000 people brought me to tears. How lovely all those voices were. 

All in all I didn’t find the content nearly as emotional as last year, which was a lovely break from being blotchy faced embarrassed. But wow the program was well targeted to give us the encouragement we need to keep enduring life’s difficulties. All the points on how to improve our spiritual endurance despite the worsening conditions around the earth was a much needed vitamin shot. 

I can’t wait for next year’s convention all ready. I never tire of being with my brothers & sisters & finding every year, more & more are responding to Jehovah’s welcome. It is so encouraging to see so many finding refreshment for their tired souls from Jehovah’s word the Bible & relief from this wicked world & its pressures. 

Love. What a beautiful gift it is. To be a part of this place full of warm & loving people is a true blessing in a bleak world. 

I would say more, but frankly, I never know who could stumble across this & I don’t want to wreck the program or the surprise of the convention releases for anyone who hasn’t had their convention yet. 

Kyra had a study of hers attend for Sunday’s program for the first time, tho, if your studies can attend for all three days that’s always nice. But it’s tough for new ones to take in that much spiritual information in such a short time. The program was very much for those of us who’ve needed the encouragement to endure despite our own failings; aging; financial stress; illness & discouragement. That, is everyone who has made the truth their own. Satan hates us & attacks us in ways to break our endurance. 

In Canada we heard talks by Brother Herd & Brother Hyatt. Let me say, Brother Samuel Herd, what a character. Also, I don’t recall one speaker on the program who was not a full time minister. Not one. That’s a first that I can recall. I loved that too. How valuable the teaching ability of these ones is to us all. 

So now I have to wait patiently for next year’s convention & I’m happy to have new goals to set & reach. 

A small goal I set last year, being a mom of five, I’m realistic about my life, was to start to play guitar for the very specific purpose of playing some of our Kingdom songs. Well, tho I’m still working on perfecting it, I can play The Joy of Conventions. I can’t sing along yet. But, I’m going to get there. But I’ve picked a couple songs from the Sing to Jehovah book that I’d like to learn to play, the melody part, and if I ever learn to sing & play, the accompaniment part eventually so I can play & sing. I want to memorize quite a few of these songs. On my list so far, Song 77, Light in a Darkened World; Song 44, The Prayer of the Lowly One; Song 141, The Miracle of Life; & of course, Song 20, You Gave Your Precious Son. I’m sure there’s many more but these are fresh in my mind today. I have learned and sung the old songs since childhood & having these newer songs, the simple touching melodies & powerful phrasing & heart stirring lyrics, I’m a happy lady to be able to learn them & I LOVE singing them. Even my 6 year old said to me after the convention, “I love singing these songs, they make me so happy.” Exactly what music is supposed to do for the soul. 

So, Goals have been made. Hearts have been stirred. Tears have been shed. Strength has been renewed. I hate the post-convention days where we get consumed by the world to a degree again. It feels heavy & sticky & so another goal is to really work on my daily Bible reading & my joy, the quality of my prayers, to be specific & take ‘note’ on my devices of specific prayers answered. For the record, I have experienced many times, but especially in the last couple years specific answers to prayers. But I’ve not been ‘noting’ them. So, Saturday after the program, something had been bothering me, I prayed about it because it had really made it difficult to focus on the right things that night while I was recalling the day’s program. I then, started to read the verses at 2 Peter 1:5-8, 10. There was a little snippet I wanted to understand better so I looked up the cross reference scripture in that section which took me to Philippians 2:12, which reads, “keep working out YOUR own salvation with fear & trembling.” Which, had everything to do with the topic of my prayer to Jehovah. Then, through the course of a search for bible texts I came across two more scriptures that I never would have thought to read that applied to my prayer. *noted* 

The entire thing that had bothered me Saturday night was gone from my mind completely. Jehovah is able to speak to us directly, counsel us, correct us, show his love for us individually, if only we take the time to ask, to study, to meditate. After so many years of knowing Jehovah it is only more recently that I’ve begun to utilize this powerful way of being taught. I do not have the answers to my questions or concerns. He does. It takes time & effort to search out the answers & humility to accept them, but what a reward it is to be taught by the Creator of this vast & awe-inspiring universe. The humility to accept my imperfections, acknowledge them— I’m working on it. I really am. But not on my own. What a unproductive thing to work at these things on your own. Jehovah is “the one teaching us to benefit ourselves”— I must always keep that close in mind. 

Why Did God Create the Earth?

I love this new little video for the ministry. The notion that that life sprung from nothing seems to me to be ludicrous. The more I learn of life, all the details of its intricacies to the very large things, so many of them that if even fractionally different would make life possible, the more I know there is a Creator. If there is a creator, what was the plan here? If you don’t ask that you’ve forgotten the curiousity that makes us do very human.  


I can’t wait to have a chance to share this one in the ministry. 

Brown Sugar Charlotte 

So, for a week now we’ve been getting to know this little pup. She’s an American Cocker Spaniel & she’s lovely & so very trainable. She’s got striking geeen eyes & she made last week’s terrible decision to put Nysa down more bearable. She didn’t ease the difficulty of the matter but she did prevent us all from feeling dreadfully mopey. Even Roxy lightened up from what is an obvious missing of her life long friend. I’ve never seen a dog miss another dog before. It’s truly heart breaking. Charlotte has already adapted into our lives & I’m certain that after all the things people say about getting or not getting another dog while going through the death phase of an old dog’s life that getting her was the right decision for our family. We can go out and leave Roxy & know she’s not alone. The kids couldn’t help but play with her & laugh despite missing Nysa. We had heard not to make this decision while being so emotional, but we knew we couldn’t leave Roxy without a dog partner. She’s half cocker spaniel & very attached to her people & was very attached to Nysa. I can’t imagine leaving her alone those days where everyone is busy & gone for the day. That would be torture for a dog like her. So, getting her another dog was an emotional decision at an emotional time. But, that didn’t make it a bad decision.

So glad we found a great breeder who breeds responsibly & cares about the welfare of her pups. She’s not registered which makes her less inbred & less likely to develop the health complaints of the breed & her moms (it was a double litter, two moms one stud, both litters raised as one large 15 group with both mothers mothering) were so lovely in disposition that we look forward to having a dog from really good parents. We are on the list for one of next year’s litter too because Roxy will be nine this winter. Knowing how quickly an old dog’s health can decline, we want to make sure we get a bud for Charlotte before Roxy gets too old. 

(Her mom is the brown & white)

You know, as a child, tho I loved my family dog, I would have said I was a ‘cat person.’ I snuggled the cats & loved being in the wood shed watching the kittens play. But the dogs we had were farm dogs; Coon Hounds & an Airdale Terrier. The hounds were obviously hunting dogs. They had their dog houses & were chained, simply because they could truly run away if they got onto a scent. Dash (Treetop Dasher) our most memorable hound, was more like a pet but other than him, the other hounds were working dogs, and some not recommended for kids to be too close to as they were somewhat unpredictable. Jake, the terrier, was a typical terrier. Messy, scruffy, sweet in temperament, but not a cuddly companion dog. He was a rodent hunter for the most part, patrolled the property with enough gusto we felt safe. 

So, having Nysa & Roxy has been my first experience with companion dogs. I didn’t much understand the relationship between people & dogs in that way until recently. Dogs are ridiculously loyal. I always liked the aloofness of cats. That cats require a relationship that can be quite complex & if they decide they don’t like you, oh well, your loss. They just didn’t care. But cats always liked me & I understood their tempered affections. But dogs, my goodness, they have a neediness. But alongside that, comes a loyalty & a trust. If you love a dog, they will LOVE you. They will be happy to see you every moment of their life. When you take them for their final walk to the vet, they will be happy you loved them till that last moment, & that’s all they’ll ever have asked of you. That you be there. You don’t have to do much else for them but be there. That’s a truly stunning gift worth the work of them. 

After all these years, turns out, I’m a dog person. 

And I have learned: Always trust a dog that doesn’t trust a person. Never trust a person that a dog doesn’t trust. Whichever way you want to remember that. 

Nysa seemed to know when I needed her at my feet. How, I’ll never know. But a dog that’s in tune with you is so cool. It is a magical friendship.