It Feels Selfish

So, this is an unfair statement, but it is how I feel: when I hear someone who had family, talent, friends, money, everything that so many don’t have, have taken their life, I’m angered. Yes. I know about mental illness. Yes. I understand, they were in enough mental torment they chose this. But, man I’m angry. 

It makes me feel, snippy & defensive. My inner dialogue says: how dare you. When you had all that, to just disregard life and end it. How many people struggle & despite having far less, find a way to fight on. But, I suspect I don’t really understand mental illness to this degree. I have felt many times like we are all running from a black wave, a tsunami. I do. But then, a moment, one brief, minuscule moment & I can feel how quickly you can feel every pain is so worth this thing called life. 

That being said, I have a very strong belief in life & a hope after death, and a hope within this life that many don’t have. 

But I just feel angry. More than sad. I don’t understand how they can put those suffering life’s ills through yet another, purposefully. It feels selfish. How dare you inflict more pain on a world in agony. That’s what I feel. Nothing else. 

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