Reaction Redacted

we spend childhoods learning
vivid response to stimuli
words & behaviours demanding
our Pavlov hearts to salivate
to grip & tear & smear ourselves
with defining behaviours

the sanguine of my soul, strong, equilibria, lively now
dulling down, learning to
unreact, purposefully
quietly
the hush so loud it deafens
my once pin-drop ears
learning to not react
to a motion of these tides—
how quickly the steamrollers roll
they come down on bones tenderizing
tissue & screams are gurgled & bruised &
expected

i redact all reaction
what looks to be melancholic is
phlegmatic—have you stiffled a scream? that is strength

what once was, quick & impulsive & soft & sweet & beaitiful & naïf is full bodied & aloof & dim & steady as the light in the fog

what a world of crimes i see, & all that i feel inside, i tamp down—but i am not numb, i am not numb

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