Oh Canada (Head Shake)

You can take the girl out of Canada but you can’t take Canada out of the girl. Despite the temperature I need a real coffee. Home brew. No ice. 

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Curing Angst

what soul doesn’t scourge itself
with slow sips of angst & butchered sadness,
gripping life a little white knuckled
fretting moments open
like littlw torn wounds
sitting hunched
eyes slanted to a ‘v’—a
well deserved pain posture
as we live on & on

the morning robins bursting
forth—a million echoes of what sweet short time remains
& then that small slice of dawn as
they hum down to a hush
how lovely, how lovely
as all the world forgets for a moment
the impossibilities of humanity

School Shmool

So, after much planning & some crazy deal finding on my hubby’s part we are finally taking the littlest three boogers to Florida to visit family & due to some deals for Canadians, ‘the parks.’ All the best planning can’t change that we seem to be on track to get there just as the storms are whipping up but we did get five flights RETURN for $811! ALL TOGETHER! Not individually. That is insane. We did cash in all our points to make it happen, and take advantage of a wicked seat sale but seriously, we have never got that smokin’ of a deal. We couldn’t even fly to Calgary for that. Or anywhere within Canada for that matter. I don’t think we could take off & land right away again here for that price. 

This being said, I’m scared of both the storms & the humidity. I’m certain the warmest weather I’ve ever felt is south-western Ontario in the summer, which is humid, & can get into the thirties, but, that was when I was a kid. The Okanagam can get smokin’ hot but its dry heat, which I don’t know, they say is different & I don’t know if it’s good different or bad different. Right now the forecast is far from sunny, so who knows what my body’s reaction to real heat will do. I may melt & die an oozy disgusting death. Guess we will have to just make the most of it. Our kids that are going have never even been on a plane or out of the country so that’ll be super exciting. Whoohoo! I love surprises! Seriously, my favourite thing is surprising my kids. 

So I’m totally looking forward to making them cry. They’re going to totally cry with excitement. We’ve barely even told anyone we’re taking them for fear it gets wrecked. I just told the one secretary at the elementary school & have been hoping that because it’s the last few weeks, not much of importance is being covered. Junior High was different, & we had to let Ari know the plan, but Ari being the little student genius she is, has let her teachers know and literally completed all her Social (literally the whole unit she’ll be missing in one night) most of her Math & her science teacher seems to be stalling on putting the notes she needs online so, hopefully she’s not expecting that to be done & LA is grammar, which is a no brainer. Anyways. No one ever flunked in life because they went on vacation. School shmool. (Oops. The homeschool mom just emerged) Anyway. This is the biggest surprise we’ll have ever pulled off if it doesn’t get spoiled & I’m as excited about that as watching them when the plane takes off, that’ll be so cool for them. Then to take them around the parks & watch them go on real rides—it’s gonna be fun! Avoiding heatstroke is my main goal, and I think as mom, this is my biggest fear when it comes to taking a crew of kids somewhere like this. Thankfully they’re all getting so old & really, will fully enjoy the whole experience & seeing family who they’ve missed so much since them moving down there. Visit one of what I hope will be many for them. 

For me, it’s getting to be a comfortable place to go & be in, for my hub, even more, I think he’s been there twice as much as I in the past few years. We totally understand the snowbird thing being from the extreme dark of winter. But going from the long sunlight hours to a place more balanced but hot hot, that’s totally uncharted waters. 

Yay adventure! 

Journey into Old Dog Years

So, after a week of assessing the situation, changing Nysa’s food, I finally got her into the vet. 

The reality is, without the x-ray the best guess is an abssessed tooth, but it could be a tumor. But, the vet also assured me, with or without surgery & x-ray & all, she’ll be lucky to live another year. She is at her life expectancy time of 11-13 yrs, she is 12. 

So, we made the decision to make her as comfortable as possible until further notice. She’s on antibiotics & a short term anti-inflammatory in hopes it gives her a few more months, but if after two weeks on the antibiotics the infection remains it’ll be time to make the call. Next would come kidney, liver &/or heart damage so, it’ll be our call how long we’d want to keep her alive & since the pain would only increase, I’m guessing we’d just do the honorable thing & take her in before it gets too bad. 

What a strange process of accepting these creatures don’t live forever. But hearing the vet say that many just try this way at this point & then put them down before it gets too bad makes me feel better, tho I can’t say for sure this makes it easier. 

Deep Water

These warm wedges—from life’s hot turbulence
Super compressing the little bones
Until they’re eeking black & poison

To syphon it up & ooze
To explode & become the fire upon the water, unquenchable & hissing
Tongues licking out & breathing under the
Thick smoked sky

This is death’s door, wide & welcoming
A seat given to every venturing soul.
How we wish life were so welcoming, cool & smooth & luxuriant, & so so sweet, kissing us as in we come.

Realization & Agony

the warm echoes, they travel, spine to heart to mind
sense makes sense
& lips hold hope as sweetly as
they do kisses & embraces
of kindness & compassion

soft souls, sponging love
from off the floor, where sadness
could have blossomed
joy bursts forth

it is the last razored edge
that all birthing women know—that
last breath, barely keeping control as the pain waves harshest
the dread feeling of coming death
before the realization of life

For Posterity Sake…

Sometimes I imagine what the future will be like: 

This current world will be one only imagination for so many who will have been resurrected, the majority of whom will not have lived in this point in time. 

How can we explain how bad it had gotten; the depravity of morals & the violence & the fear of simply being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Over the weekend, two people were gunned down in a grocery store parking lot in broad daylight in Calgary, someone suicide bombed a concert killing mostly young women & children, someone mowed down an 18yr old with their car after some fight & left them for dead; these are just a small few incidence that happened & made the news. No doubt the world was drenched in the blood of the innocent all around the globe in horrific incidents of human cruelty unleashed this past weekend, as it is everyday. 

The consoling words of politicians & public figures does little in offering either true healing or solutions to the present conditions. There is much online ranting about terrorism & ways of quashing it, blame is being doled out, & overall grief & helplessness fill the hearts of people as the watch helplessly. 

It is in moments like these that I must question the beliefs of others, the hopes of others, the explanation, & solutions looked to, in others. What is it they find peace in? 

The anguish in the hearts of those who’ve lost their loved ones, in the hearts of those traumatized by injury of the body & the psyche; how can I feel anything other than empathy for these people. 

The pointing of fingers, thus far, has not helped. The officials, human & limited, have been unable to supply true peace, real security, in anyway. They are helpless against the mass turbulence of humanity. 

How bad will it get before people see & know the truth? Many will never see it. I know that. Not until it is too late. There is a sadness & yet an urgency to knowing this. 

“In fact, unless those days were cut short, no flesh would be saved; but on account of the chosen ones those days will be cut short”—Matthew 24:22. 

“And this good news of the kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth for a witness to all the nations; and then the end will come.”—Matthew 24:14 

So let’s Advertise, Advertise, Advertise, the King & his Kingdom. Let’s get this done.