Nisan 14

I have clung thing by thing to this empty justiceless place, my every piece of plastic & pain uneroding, piling up & becoming the soil upon which I stand. 

Hope is—I’ve begun to let go. Let go of taking the world & its crimes upon my shoulders. Who is ruining the earth? Everyone. 

In a quagmire of laten movements, heavy with indifference & injustice all the world groans forward, toxins dripping from its lips. Who will save us from ourselves? Which peril looms largest? 

Existential crisis is reality as we creep toward the burning future of our nightmares. One by one we fall into death’s long embrace. Are you comforted by these arms? 

Hope is, I’ve let go. Humanity proves itself the collision course it is when they rule & ruin. 

My throat is aching. My skin eroding. My mind is fogging. My fingers buckling. My lips cracked & bleeding. My eyes weeping. These open wounds of heart, festering, the ooze of rotted compassion, how it stinks as I watch another war break loose & rage & rage & rage—the little children dying in bed with their chemical burnt lungs. Oh. Look away. 

Always, a lifetime of, looking away, because I’ve not been able to save one child, one plant, one moment, one day. 

Time bleeds out & I’ve this pallor of helplessness & horror. Life has been a fortunate agony. Born in the haven hold of peace, while watching in paralysis as everything screams past my eyes. 

If I’ve taken on the wrong hope, give me another. Show me your strength. Show me your savior. Show me humanity’s future…

Show me, I will believe. 

Yet, all the world has been searched & it is filled with its vanities & futilities. What or who do you scream to in the night? Who consumes those wracking sobs of grief & who pushes the air back into your lungs when all is lost & you feel Death’ s creeping hand upon your shaking shoulders? 

Nisan 14 comes in a stab of moonlight & memory, & I am left, in your ancient hands. 

Whom shall I go away to? To whom shall I sing? 

All the world grips at itself, tearing & weeping, but here we gather & slowly peel off the old fear, the one we are born with, the one of death & its grip—what a stiff shell to shuffle off. 

Have I shed this mortal coil, it’s tastes of hopelessness slowly fading from my tongue—this aged bitterness dissolving into subtle sweet. 

I plunge full into this, this breath of hope. I’m immersed now in stillness & the joy feels to be seeping deep into my bones & there is every colour I’ve felt in my heart—electric cyan & piercing cerulean & burning amethyst & viridescent echoes & recondite indigo & flames of scarlet—and this is love. This is the apex of creation & past & future & life & knowledge & dreams & things unknown but that are felt there, on the edge of understanding, just beyond grasp. How the universe swirls mathematically, each pattern unroiling into another, complex & serene. 

Whom shall I go away to—when there is only you. 

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